Taylor Swift, "Stay," and relationship violence

I'll say this up front: I like a lot of Taylor Swift's music.  And I grew up in a super conservative environment in the deep south, so when I hear lyrics that I've seen other feminists complain about  like

Abigail gave everything she had
to a boy who changed his mind

from her song "Fifteen," it's not that I agree that's a good way to think. It's that oh my god I totally thought that way at fifteen. So I hear myself in those songs.


But let's take two of the songs off of her latest album, Red.

"We are never ever getting back together" is fucking excellent in pretty much every possible way. It's ear candy, but it also has an awesome message for women everywhere- at some point, some relationships are just not worth it, even if you love the guy. I think this is especially awesome for younger women, who are frequently told that the more you sacrifice for love the more real your love is. Which leads people (and certainly led me as a teenager and college student) to invest heavily in relationships that are not really even very fun, because my pain felt validating.

"We are never ever getting back together" refutes that. Swift at one point intones "this is exhausting," and declares it really, really over.  I cheer every time I get to that part.  Yeah! I think, this is me walking away from a shitty relationship like a grownup! 'Cause I don't actually have to take that shit!


On the other hand, "Stay" has some bullshit in it. Like the part where she says she throws her phone across the room at her boyfriend and it's played for laughs. That is not ok.

Can I say that one more time? That is so not ok.  Throwing things at your intimate partner is violence, mmkay, and if that guy had walked on Tails when she did that, he would have been in the right, in my opinion.  My dad threw my phone across the room when he was angry at me, when I was in high school.  Not even at me, just across the room. The phone broke when it hit my desk. It was fucking terrifying. Somebody throwing a cell phone at you is not actually funny.

It's surely not funny when a man does it to a woman... when guys throw things at their girlfriends, we tend to call that "abuse." It is also not at all funny for a woman to do it to a man.


And then there is the part where she says he has given her "no choice but to stay." Which.... in context seems to mean she'd be a fool to leave, but god that is co-dependent as.... as badgers. I have no euphemisms at my ready disposal that are strong enough for this, and "as fuck" is something I say way too often, so "as badgers" is my new intensive euphemism.  That is co-dependent as badgers.







Full lyrics:

I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night
I threw my phone across the room at you
I was expecting some dramatic turn away but you stayed
This morning I said we should talk about it
Cause I read you should never leave a fight unresolved
That's when you came in wearing a football helmet
And said okay let's talk
And I said...

Stay stay stay i've been loving you for quite some time time time
You think that it's funny when i'm mad mad mad
But I think that it's best if we both stay

Before you I only dated self indulgent takers who took all of their problems out on me
But you carry my groceries and now i'm always laughing
And I love you because you have given me no choice but to

Stay stay stay i've been loving you for quite some time time time
You think that it's funny when i'm mad mad mad
But I think that it's best if we both stay stay stay stay

You took the time to memorize me my thoughts my hopes and dreams
I just like hanging out with you all the time
All those times that you didn't leave it's been occuring to me I would like to hang out with you for my whole life

Stay Iv'e been loving you for quite some time
No one else is gonna love me when I get mad mad mad
So I think that it's best if we both stay stay stay stay

Stay stay stay i've been loving you for quite some time time time
You think that it's funny when i'm mad mad mad
But I think that it's best if we both stay stay stay stay

Stay stay stay i've been loving you for quite some time time time
You think that it's funny when i'm mad mad mad
But I think that it's best if we both stay

Literal objectification of women

Holy crap you guys...

Romney accidentally said what he means again in the debate last night.  (Hint: he literally objectifies women and views them as a fungible commodities to check off quotas of.)

And so the internet, in all its benevolence, brings you... bindersfullofwomen.tumblr.com.

My current favorite:

A *hip* corset.

So this showed up in my facebook sidebar today. A hip corset.

I.... it is difficult for me to take this rationally.

- No it won't. Whatever it is that dictates when you return to your "pre-pregnancy size," I can guarantee that a corset will not help. It will smush you while you wear it. But it will not fundamentally reduce your squishy.

- Is your squishy really so bad that it is necessary you wear something that ugly?


..I... I am done. I have no more words for this.

"What makes you beautiful"- One Direction

So, today, Slate has  piece on the new boyband One Direction.  It's interesting, actually.

But it also reminded me that this exists:

Pitch Perfect... is somewhat off-key.

Oh man, so... Pitch Perfect.

I really wanted to like this movie because it really seemed like Hollywood tried to make a movie with female protagonists whose sole motivation isn't chasing boys and all; PLUS, I love me some a cappella singing. Sorry, just do. But there were so many things wrong with it that I just couldn't.

"All-American Girl" by Carrie Underwood

This is a song recorded by American Idol winner season 4 winner, Carrie Underwood. She's been the biggest star to come off the show other than Kelly Clarkson, and a powerful presence in country music.

About this blog

This blog will be about the underlying stories and messages in pop culture, from a female, feminist perspective. 

I wanted to start this blog because I'm a lover of pop and country music, but sometimes, I'm just overwhelmed by what I think are harmful messages underneath the shiny production values. I think these messages go largely unexamined. So I want to do some of that examination and post it here.  

Thanks for reading, and I hope it will be helpful to some, to look at what messages we internalize and how that affects feelings and decisions in our own lives.